It’s All Fun and Games Until Someone Brings Up Toxic Feminism
How the Mass-Marketed Sociocultural Quest for Imaginary Perfection Fuels Chronic Illness
By Kaci N. Baez
*This article contains content that might be triggering.
In Thin, Sick, and Nearly Dead, I spoke to Janice* about her shocking experience in a low-rated eating rehabilitation center in her early twenties. She described “just wanting to feel better” after being severely gutted by unacknowledged early childhood trauma and her perfectionist tendencies to excel in college, where she also pledged a sorority her freshman year.
But what Janice did not know at the time is that her experience was completely common, although definitely not “normal,” among college students, with as many as 30-60% of students at universities and colleges being affected by or engaged in disordered eating habits. Those involved with athletics or Greek life are at a higher risk, according to research, as are Black, Hispanic, Native American, LGBQT+, and autistic individuals.
Indeed, there’s a holistic assault on our being from sunup to sundown that seemingly monopolizes our brains and our goals and causes us to drive toward external, commercially driven validation rather than internal. “Be perfect now” and “you are not good enough yet” are the messages we receive online, at school, at the movies, on TV, in ads, in books, and, please help us all, on social media. And if you’re not perfect according to these nonsensically glorified, fake toxic feminist standards? Well, then, it’s your lucky day, because, for the right price, there’s a quick magic fix, the claims shout.
This is not a health care system; it’s a heavily marketed for-profit sick-care system. And guess who’s paying?
The frightening commercialization of sickness, weight, beauty, and health has skyrocketed in recent years in tandem with a dramatic increase in rates of chronic illness.
One person dies from an eating disorder every 52 minutes, and about 9% or more of the population will develop one in their lifetime.
So why are we all so sick when we seem to have an endless variety of so-called “solutions” designed to keep us well?
According to a report by Bloomberg Intelligence, global obesity medication sales could reach $44 billion by 2030, up from $2.5 billion in 2022. The United States has one of the biggest obesity problems in the world for a developed country. The standard American diet and sedentary lifestyle, combined with ultra-processed and toxic foods, medications, products, and attitudes, have made it so.
And now? A barrage of ads and influencers tell you that you have to take medication and pay someone to fix that “problem” that they will then profit off of.
What we often don’t hear enough of from these mass external messages? That no one is perfect, that taking care of yourself is an extremely hard and deliberate way of life, and that there’s no magic quick answer or one-size-fits-all approach. Sustainable and personalized health solutions require a holistic and careful consideration of genetics, sex-based differences, ancestry, environmental factors, and personal history, which is not what most people get.
Even for those who feel recovered from disordered eating, everyday life can be overwhelming because the world is even more of a triggering, body-obsessed place right now. Some culture analysts have pointed to the 2022 Met Gala and Kim Kardashian describing her unhealthy tactics to get ready as the beginning of the return to the mass toxic thinness hysteria that we experienced in a much different way in the 90s and 2000s. This timing also aligns with the availability of new weight loss drugs that subsequently became mass-marketed to people who do not actually need them or who have been affected by an eating disorder and are at risk for unhealthy image-driven behaviors, endangering those who might potentially benefit from the drugs to improve their health as part of a positive lifestyle.
According to some studies, as much as 10 percent of our thoughts involve comparisons of some kind. A widespread fascination with celebrity and influencer culture, the idolization of the perfect life, and the prevalence of carefully orchestrated social-media feeds only make this worse.
Research has shown that people who regularly compare themselves to others may find motivation to improve, but may also experience feelings of deep dissatisfaction, guilt, or remorse, and engage in destructive behaviors like lying or disordered eating.
Indeed, the desire to appear perfect on the surface while having very low empathy or regard for the well-being of people is a classic component of narcissism. Adult children of narcissists often report low self-esteem and mental health issues as a result of their parent’s vanity-driven demands, which they then use unhealthy coping mechanisms to deal with.
According to experts, adult children of narcissists frequently struggle with eating and body issues, and they often report feelings of chronic shame, being overly sensitive to criticism or rejection, engaging in dependent relationships where you’re trying to “earn” love and validation, depression and anxiety influenced by a lack of agency or independence during childhood, a poor understanding and enforcement of boundaries, feeling like you don’t deserve success and happiness, self-destructive and self-harming behaviors, and self-shaming or internalized gaslighting. For an account of someone raised by a narcissistic parent who developed, and is still dealing with, similar issues, check out the international bestseller, I’m Glad My Mom Died, by former child star Jennette McCurdy.
As toxic feminist ideals are passed down to others through generations, they are amplified by sociological and cultural factors, and carried out en masse at home, at school, at work, and across the media.
If a violent, vanity-driven shit storm disguised as the Golden Ticket is coming at you from every which way, including Sunday, how the hell are you supposed to escape?
Though the idea of toxic feminism is not new, it is largely ignored by the mainstream media that helps reinforce it. The most prominent external contributor to the development of eating disorders is the unattainable, perfection-driven sociocultural idealization of thinness as happiness. While toxic masculinity states that men should act tough, show no emotions, and reject anything considered feminine, toxic femininity pressures women to be quiet, nurturing, submissive, and attractive at all costs.
The global wellness market that is fueled by toxic feminism, beauty sickness, and unwell exceeds $5.6 trillion. Roughly 40% or more of U.S. adults get unverified health advice and misinformation from social media influencers, fueling an increase in unverified trends, eating disorders, and medical mistrust.
Add this to the competitive, cult-ish worlds of sorority rush, beauty pageants, The Real Housewives, looks-based activities like bodybuilding, and general Barbie doll worship, and it’s no wonder the mental health crisis and chronic illness rates have exploded in recent decades.
Many feminists seek to blame men for everything that is wrong with the world, especially for the toxic beauty ideals that shape our society, but this exclusionary finger-pointing doesn’t acknowledge the role women largely play in generationally and socially reinforcing said toxic ideals and overlooks a much larger problem. Devon Price, a social psychologist and writer, places the origin of toxic femininity in our “strict adherence to the gender binary.” “Focusing only on the harm done by men—and the insecurities harbored by men—ignores the broader, systematic nature of the beast. The problem was never just masculinity. It was, and is, inflexible gender roles for men and women alike.” To Price, toxic femininity exists and “is just as pernicious as toxic masculinity in how it affects all people regardless of gender.”
Body image develops between 6 and 11 years old. Dolls, as well as the media, can influence that process. In a recent study, girls who played with extremely thin dolls chose a thinner body ideal than girls who played with realistically proportioned dolls. Girls exposed to Barbie dolls also reported lower body esteem and a greater desire for a thinner body shape than girls in the other exposure conditions, according to studies.
It’s true that the more a person is fed images of what perfect is supposed to be, the worse they may feel on this cyclical hamster wheel of imminent doom, a commercialized obsession with physical looks above anything else.
It is, in many ways, a collective beauty sickness. According to Beauty Sickness author Renee English, “Beauty sickness is fed by a culture that focuses on women’s appearance over anything else they might do or say or be.”
In speaking with Janice about her experience with sorority rush, she said, “most of the girls in the Greek system at my University appeared to be engaging in unhealthy practices that normalized my own alarming experience with comparative female-driven objectification based on external ideals, when it was definitely not normal by any stretch of the imagination.” Adding: “my alarming weight loss and prior unhealthy habits were also positively reinforced and publicly celebrated by my mother.”
The 2023 Max documentary Bama Rush, directed by Rachel Fleit, has been called disturbing because it exposes the intense scrutiny, psychological pressure, rigid hierarchy, and sexism young women face to achieve a narrow definition of feminine belonging based on their appearance, background, and social media presence.
A critical—and spot on—Daily Beast review titled, ‘Bama Rush’ Goes Inside the Toxic, Faux-Feminist Hell of Sorority Life, expands on the documentary’s startling message: “What it reveals is an exclusionary environment that views beauty, wealth, privilege, and conformity as the highest of ideals—and which seems, in some cases, to exacerbate the very problems these young women believe it will solve.”
I asked Janice how she managed to overcome years of debilitating sickness fueled by misdiagnosis, pressure to conform, and a general lack of support. She said, “You need to value yourself and have enough self-awareness and self-compassion to want to be better. And you have to keep trying different approaches until you know inside of yourself that you are better than you were before.”
Adding: “Being well involves less people-pleasing and more self-prioritization and paying attention to who or what is either influencing you positively or sucking the dear life out of you, and always seeking help from the right people. Don’t let other people tell you who you are.”
Name changed at the request of the individual I spoke to who offered their personal experience, which will be highlighted along with other interviews in future articles on this topic as part of a series and book.
For help and eating disorder resources, visit:
https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org.
Additional References
Anschutz, D. J., & Engels, R. C. M. E. (2010). The effects of playing with thin dolls on body image and food intake in young girls. Sex Roles: A Journal of Research, 63(9-10), 621–630. https://doi.org/10.1007/s11199-010-9871-6
Culbert, K. M., Racine, S. E., & Klump, K. L. (2015). Research Review: What we have learned about the causes of eating disorders - a synthesis of sociocultural, psychological, and biological research. J Child Psychol Psychiatry, 56(11), 1141-1164.
Martin, J. B. (2010). The Development of Ideal Body Image Perceptions in the United States. Nutrition Today, 45(3), 98-100.
Verywell Mind, “What Causes Eating Disorders”